Kamelot and Nightwish Review

What’s up bitches. Its now 2013 and some of you are wondering where the fuck I’ve been. Well it’s a long detailed story that I’ll maybe squeeze into one paragraph to explain.

Firstly, as we all know the end of the world was supposed to happen. And it fucking didn’t. This was kind of a disappointment for me. I was really hoping we’d all be consumed with zombies. So much that I’d boobie trapped all around my tree house. Stockpiled ammo for my guns, and gotten a shit load of Chef Boyardi ravioli. Needless to say, the neighbors have been pissed because of the traps. The ammo has not gone to waste, because bullets are always in style, and my diet has helped me gain that desired 300 lbs. So, I stock piled and I waited. And waited. And was destroyed when the zombies didn’t attack. So we didn’t have the end of the world, and though I went off the grid waiting for it to happen.. because I’m a prepared motherfucker like that.. Now I guess it’s time to return to reality and get some shit done.

Look. I know we didn’t hit 12 blogs last year. That’s less that one a month. But I did spend a lot of time looking at porn, and when you think about it, that’s really more productive than writing anyways.

Where was I? Oh right, so this year we’re going to try to do better. But really, its not like anyone remembers my anniversary anyways. I’ll be bitching about that in about 11 months. So be ready.

Also, I broke your awful little hearts by not tossing out two more fantastical blogs before the end of the year. Yep, I did it. Why? Life is harsh motherfucker. I just dosed your ass with hard truth.

I think that pretty much catches us up. Welcome to the post apocalypse! Lets get this drag queen fashion show going. 321go! This first blog is one that I meant to write months ago, because well, it fills time and stuff. Anything to make us look more impressive. But really, its worth writing because anything I deem worthy is worth it. So we’re going to do an old fashioned concert review! Yay, gather round kids!

I was at the concert I’m reviewing. And my hearing works. Game, set, match.

The concert, as the title states, was Nightwish with Kamelot. Many of you are probably asking who these bands are. In which case, take your ass over to YouTube, iTunes, or wherever and find the fuck out for yourself. For the rest of you who are saying, Oh shit! I know them!! This is for you.

For those of you rejoining us now after having spent some time listening to said bands, welcome back.. Are you ready for this shit? It’s a helluva story. Lets go!

For this concert, I had to take a road trip. Road trips are always fun, right? I loaded up the jeep with all kinds of snacks and mountain dew and a good friend and I drove off into the sunset and traffic to find this show. Road trips are always a blast.. unless it’s a road trip to Denver, CO. That place fucking blows. If you’ve never been, don’t bother. It pretty much sucks balls. But this is where Nightwish was going to be and we weren’t going to miss it, so off we went.

The venue was small. I find that to be enjoyable because unless you’re standing behind a giant, there’s really no bad seats. But the parking normally blows ass. As in, you had to park like 12 city blocks away. Which we did, and we literally had to GPS our way back to the venue. Not the greatest of things, but we made it in time so who gives a fuck right? It was a lot better than when I drove to same said venue to see 30 Seconds to Mars and spent 45 minutes wandering around lost, and thus missing the entire opening act. Who I should mention, was a shitty band I didn’t want to see anyways, so no love lost there.

So then we settled in for the show. Found our place to stand, because like all true band venues, this one was standing room only. Let the games begin.

 

 

 

Right before they came on, my companion turns to me and almost ruins the entire show. She says to me, “did you hear? Kamelot has a new singer?” NO! I said, NO! This cannot be!! “yep, I hope he’s good!” Such optimism. Such is a thing that comes with one so young. I have a confession before we go any further. I like Kamelot, they’re a cool band, blah blah blah.. I’d downloaded like 3 songs of theirs.. ever. I could identify them when they popped up on Pandora.. but that was it. So I was expecting good things. Now this fucking bomb drops and all the sudden I’m worried. Thanks a fuckin lot. Should have just let me be ignorant.

Because the truth is, I probably wouldn’t have known the difference. Sure I knew the lead singers name was Khan. Roy Khan. I only remember that because I’ve seen the wrath of Kahn. Whatever, say what you fucking like, but Khan is a cool as shit name to go by. I’ve actually considered changing critic to Khan.. but I didn’t. So suck on that motherfuckers.

So Kamelot takes the stage, complete with new lead singer Tommy Karevik, and like I said.. had no one told me, I wouldn’t have even  known, because this guy sounded exactly the same as Kahn. Hell, I even thought he kinda looked liked him too. So bonus for Kamelot, they lose one, they find a clone. I think this is the best thing for ANY band to do. I mean, AC/DC did it.. and lets face it, those guys have the same voice and its fucking AWFUL but that’s part of their charm and part of what makes them..well.. them. And fan’s like it. Me personally, I can only stand AC/DC for about 15 minutes before I have to fucking break something. Maybe that’s just me?

Back to the story. Kamelot comes on and they start playing their songs… and I have to be honest.. I realized that though I liked what they were playing.. I had no clue what any of the songs were. As I said, I had downloaded previously.. a whopping 3 songs of theirs. And none of those songs were getting played. So.. I was kinda lost. Fuckers. I’ve been to many shows, so I’ve had this happen. Fear not, I knew how to blend in. And we fuckin rocked. And I’ve gotta say… this band kicks. They were fucking great live. This band was so good that it inspired me to get home and fire up my Xbox music and get their shit on my phone, Zune, and Xbox.

And, for reference, I did just that. I have not been disappointed, and neither will you. Download this shit today. Anyways, back to the story.

Where were we? Oh right, Kamelot. I was thinking about porn again. Um, so they played, they sounded great, they kicked serious ass. I thought I saw like 3 people I knew at the show, though I didn’t dare say hi, because I didn’t want to have to use the excuse of “Sorry, I’m just really high..” As to why I’d start a conversation with a complete stranger. Before Kamelot finished off, and gave their farewells, they played a whole ONE song I knew. This problem will not happen again. Would I see them again? Fuck yes I would. Should we grade them? Yes, lets grade them! Why? Because its fucking fun.

• Stage presence
• Performance
• Skill
• Ear bleeding loud music

That’s right, I give them an A+ because they were fucking great. They’re worth seeing if you get the chance. I never saw them with Kahn as their front man, but I can’t help but feel like they didn’t miss a step with the addition of their new singer. Oh, and I’ve been told by women, “I don’t care what that singer looks like, I’d fuck him based on his voice alone.” Ladies, that’s enough motivation for you there. Fellas.. well.. Take a chick with you, maybe she’ll get freaky with you after the show. Stranger things have happened.

Before I tell you about Nightwish, I have some bad news. I’m out of smokes. Time for a trip to the store.

Ok, back in business. Onward, bitches!

 

As the roadies start to take down all of the Kamelot garb on the stage and prepare the scene for Nightwish to take over and make our brains bleed, two members of Nightwish come to the stage and the crowd goes nuts! It’s the Keyboardist, who is the heart and soul of this band, writes all the music, etc. And the pipes player. Tuomas and Troy. Troy is English, the rest of the band is (mostly) Finnish, so I’m betting he’s on stage to do the talking because he has the easiest accent for us to understand. This is where, as a concert goer, you get the worst possible news you can get. The show is on the verge of cancelling. They announce that the lead singer, Anette, has been rushed to the ER. He says to us, “There’s not much we can do without her. Management wants us to cancel the show. We don’t want to. We’re here, you’re here.. We want to play, so we’re going to take a vote. By a show of hands, no cheering, who wants us to cancel the show?” At that point, no one raised their hands. “Alright, our solution is, we’ll get the couple back up singers from Kamelot who have agreed to help us as best they can, to sing for us. And you’ll sing along, and we’ll put on a show that is as best as we can. Who wants that?” Every hand in the place shot up. “Well then, looks like we’ll play after all then, thank you so much.” And the crowd goes nuts. Then comes the longest wait in between bands I’ve ever experienced.

I’ve been to more shows than I can count on my hands AND feet, and this one was seriously long. Eventually though, Nightwish takes the stage and starts what I think will likely go down as the strangest show I’ve ever seen, and possibly the strangest show this band has ever played.

But the show kicked ass! By normal standards, this was a fucking awful show. The back up singers from Kamelot came out, and did the best they could, they got words wrong, they sang off of lyrics sheets. At one point, Elize started to sing one song, whilst the band started a different song. they stopped playing and told her, having her flip through the papers in her hand until she found the right one before starting again. By all concert going standards, this is a fucking disaster. But it was goddamned amazing. The band played, and they smiled and generally seemed to have a great fucking time.

I’ve seen Nightwish before. That was one thing I noted the last time I saw them. Of all the bands I’ve seen, this one seemed to generally be having the most fun of any fucking band I’ve seen before. While they play, they look like it’s the greatest job in the world, and goddamn it, it is. I’ve seen so many bands who look angry and upset while they play, and I think, man that job must be torturous, right? WRONG! Being a rock star kicks ass. That’s why everyone wants to do it. Don’t get up there in front of me after I paid money to see your ass and act like its awful to be there, you motherfucker. How fucking dare you spit on me like that. Not Nightwish. They get up and they put on a show. And they enjoy it almost as much as I do. They crowd at this particular show was so loud that after one song which was, by all practical standards, butchered somewhat, the crowd- as I say, was so goddamned loud that the walls and floor were shaking. The building was electric. This was one of the coolest fucking shows in the world. The bassist would change the pitch of his voice to sing Anette’s parts, and then sing normal to his parts.

So despite everything, the band put forth a great set. They played songs which are purely instrumental, they sang where they could, they had the crowd help, they had back up singers from the other band, who, incidentally, had already dumped a ton of energy with the first set. As I said, one of the oddest concerts I’ve ever seen, but one of the absolute best. If you haven’t seen Nightwish yet, I highly recommend them. They’re worth the price. They’re worth driving to someplace, even one as shitty as Denver to see. Make sure before you die that you check this one off of your bucket list, bitches. You’ll thank me for it.

So lets grade them.

• Didn’t cancel, even without lead singer
• Ear shattering loud music
• A band having a great time
• Great music
• Awesome stage presence

As I already said, if you get a chance to see this band, do it. Don’t hesitate, just do it. Like you’re a Nike shoe or some shit.

But the story doesn’t end there. The interesting part came in the days to follow.

 

Yes, the aftermath. As strange and weird as that fucking show was, what happened next was weirder. That’s pretty hard to do when you consider the concert consisted of two bands without their lead singers. Well, one without its lead singer, one with a new one.

But whatever. You get what I mean. So fuck you.

Right so, for this part of the blog, the story is going to come straight from the horses mouth so to speak, and no, I’m not talking about Sarah Jessica Parker. Lets start with what NW posted on Facebook right after the show shall we?

That pretty much summed it up. At that point, you would think that would be the end of it. Everyone can let out a sigh and the band hits the road to play Salt Lake City the next day. Because that’s what badass rock stars do, right? Well, that wasn’t the end of it. The absent vocalist had to throw in her two cents, though really.. she shouldn’t have.

Like life, sometimes shows do get cancelled. Rhianna wouldn’t ask Britney to sing for her… This makes complete sense. However, this is fucking NIGHTWISH. Be honest. If you hadn’t stumbled across my blog here, would you even know who Nightwish was?

If you’re from Europe.. maybe. If you’re American, there’s no fucking way. A band tours like crazy to support what fans they do have, because that’s the job. Because that’s what sells albums. Get fucking real lady, you’re not Rhianna, you’re not even in the same category as her. Meanwhile, the band is happy to have their sickness-prone singer back. While she was on her personal blog making snide comments, the band was on facebook.

Well, at least the band seemed excited to perform again. Can’t say I’m terribly upset I chose the Denver show over SLC, but hey that’s just me. But, again the show went on, and the posts happened afterwards.

Well ok, she’s sick right? Let her have her moment.. and then sh..

On..ward? To..Seattle? I think? Ok, this bitch obviously crossed the line right? The band put on a fucking show without her and so she compares herself to Rhianna, and insults the people who filled in for her? Not only that, but she expects that a cancelled show for everyone who paid to see them is acceptable? Who the fuck is she now? Axel Rose? You can get away with that kind bullshit when you’re someone seriously famous, but not when you’re a member of fucking Nightwish.. especially when you take into consideration- they have a past history of tossing out bitch lead singers who think they’re more important than the band. Seems like she’s committing professional suicide here, but maybe that’s just me. But then NW took to face book again.

Hahaha, the stupid fucking bitch got herself canned. That means she clearly did NOT learn anything from her predecessor who got her shit canned as well. If you don’t remember my last blog some years ago where I talked about the original NW and their singer Tarja.. well then I say go back and read it. Here’s the readers digest version though: Original singer, turned super bitch, all about the money, wanted to cancel shows for bullshit reasons, didn’t contribute to the making of music – opera singer, diva, cunt, publicly executed by the band.

So after that highly public split, which was from an open letter basically telling the world what kind of twat waffle she is, the band goes through an extensive interview process, a bit of time off and they hire Ms. Anette who at first would sacrifice a tit to be part of this band, and toured the world and became (somewhat) famous..ish. Only to blow it all away like a stupid idiot, the way Tarja did. I find it slightly shocking, but with women- nothing is really shocking. That’s ok, Anette couldn’t sing the old shit like Tarja anyways, since she wasn’t an opera singer.

So now the band is in phase three. I’m of the mind that when a band fires a singer you should always stick it out with the band. Just because the person singing is gone doesn’t mean the music stops. The music is what we really like anyways. There’s always another singer, look at American Idol. So the band gets Floor Jansen to fill in and she can sing much the same as Anette.. but she can also blow some opera shit. Its impressive. I only feel cheated because I didn’t get to see HER with NW in concert. Perhaps next time, if she accepts a permanent job with the band. She’d be a fool not to, and they’d be a fool not to offer her a permanent stay. The chick is good. She’s the perfect bridge between the singers they’ve had so all music from any albums can hit the stage at any time, and that my friends is one helluva show, especially considering you’re now on singer number 3.

The whole story. Its like you got to be a fly on the wall for that shit. I for one, hope to see them back in the states again. Its worth the cost, worth the drive, and who knows, maybe you’ll have a cool story to tell next time they come through.