The Double Standard of the Female Psyche.

I swear to fucking hell, I’m not trying to be a total dick here.. but women.. you’re fucking stupid. I mean, I’m not saying you’re fucking stupid really, but you’re fucking stupid. Get me? Of course you don’t.

Seriously though, when women talk, sometimes I wonder if they really take the fucking time to think about what it is they actually are going to say before they just open their stupid fucking traps and say it.

To be completely fair, there are exceptions of course, to every fucking rule, and so too goes with women. Chances are you’re one of those women who right now are thinking, “Oh critic, I know you’re not talking about the likes of ME!” – Well get over yourself, bitch, chances are.. I probably am.

That is because of the double standard of the female psyche.

If you’re a female, then guess what? You fucking have it. It’s a fucking scientific fact. Trust me, I’ve done the research. I’m here to clinically prove this shit to you.

I’m divorced.

Women live by a double standard that is impossible for any man to ever live up to, or in accordance with. Women, you know you do. You know who you are. You live your lives in this fucking glass bubble where you think the whole entire fucking world revolves around you. You’re special, you’re different. YOU ARE ALL THE FUCKING SAME. (for the most part)

You want what you want and you want it how you want it regardless of whatever consequence or side effect.

The reality of the world is, though, darlings, is the world doesn’t work that way, and you may what to sit down.. because what I’m about to tell you, may come as a fucking shock.

The world doesn’t revolve around your ass.

Are you ok? Probably not, but this rude awakening bitchslap of epic proportions is just getting started, so make someone strap you to the chair because this is important shit you need to hear right the fuck here and right the fuck now.

Each and every one of you are raised to a certain standard of being some kind of princess. This is a funny thing. It alters your behavior, it makes you act like you think you’re royalty. You are not royalty.  If you get to act like a princess, then how come men don’t get to act like a king without being labeled as “An Asshole” ? Think about that for a minute. Is it because you’re more special than us? Absolutely. Why?

Because you have tits.

Because you have tits, we men, who are still quite primordial and mentally challenged, will do pretty much anything for those tits. And we’ll do even more for nice sets. Fun fact: All tits are nice.

I said tits, not moobs. If you’re a guy with moobs, then fucking wake up and don’t be as stupid as the look that is on your fucking face right now.

Here’s what’s worse: Most women realize that tits = power. Even more so, vagina = more power. Combine the two and its really fucking scary.

But the simple fact is, you think yourselves above everyone else, including other tits and vaginas, because your tits are obviously the best. And your vagina is solid fucking gold. Guess whaaaaat? Its just simply and painfully.. not fucking true.

I’m sorry, but the whole idea that you get to act like a cunt whenever you fucking feel like it and use the excuse of “being a princess” – that shit just doesn’t fly with me. Its not being a princess, its being a fucking cunt. If you know me, you also know how to set shit off. Therefore, the double standard here, is to say something really fucking retarded, that will obviously piss me off.. and then say, “Well I’m not trying to upset you..” Shut up, cunt. You are too. You’re pushing buttons. Why? Because you’re fucking stupid. Because you fucking can. Because you think you’re fucking better than everyone else in the world and you’re prettier and smarter and so this gives you all the power in the world to be a raging twat rocket.

Well it doesn’t. It gives you no right. That’s like me, the critic, being a total asshole, which I am, and saying, “Its because I’m the king.. that’s why I am this way..” That’s fucking bullshit. I’m not the fucking king. (I am of a small country actually, but that’s besides the point) No, I don’t go around saying I’m the king and so I have the absolute unquestionable right to be a raging fucking ass wad dick face jerk. No, I tell it straight. If I say something that comes off offensive and makes me look like an asshole, I tell it how it is, “Sorry, I’m an asshole.” Goddamn right. And guess what? I’m always an asshole, I always say things that come off offensively and make me look like a jerk. I’m ok with it. The people who choose to be around me.. they’re ok with it too. They deal with it, they don’t excuse it. Fuck no. Everyone, at every chance they get will tell me, “Dude, you’re a fucking asshole.” Goddamn right. That’s how I am. I’m not a king, a prince, a knight in shining armor. I’m the fucking critic, and by being the fucking critic, and this fucking critic is one of if not the worlds biggest assholes. There’s not a double standard.

If you act like a bitch around me, you get treated as thus.

I went out with a couple friends once. I say friends, but really I mean acquaintances. By acquaintances, I mean I really didn’t like them at all. The guy was a total dumbshit frat fuck. I don’t even remember his name. That’s a lie, I don’t forget shit, his name was Adam. Her name was Anna. She was a royal cunt. I’ll tell you what, this chick was such a fucking bitch that though she was physically attractive, the minute she opened her mouth and began to talk, I wanted to blow my own fucking brains out with a shotgun Cobain style.

Yeah, it was that fucking bad.

We went to this restaurant, them and me and the girl I happened to be dating at the time. Ahh the thrill of a stupid double fucking date with retards. The nice thing about going places with idiots is this- It makes you feel like you’re far superior when you’ve spent some time with fucktards. Needless to say, even though I feel superior most of the time (because I’m an asshole) I was feeling extra awesome this night.

We go out. Its winter, so its cold out, naturally.. and when we’re sitting down, after a couple minutes, Anna starts to complain, of course. Why? Because she’s a fucking princess bitch. What is she complaining about? Well she is complaining about the fact that guys all over this place are staring at her tits.

I should elaborate now. So I will. She was wearing a blue top. It was tight. She was not wearing a bra, and her nipples were sticking out like they were torpedoes. Because as I said before, it was cold out.

I wanted to smack the shit out of her. OF COURSE THEY ARE STARING AT YOUR TITS! You came into the place advertising with a flashing fucking sign over your head that reads: STARE AT MY FUCKIN TITS!

So we did. Guess what? I looked too. Fuck you, bitch. You and your double standard. Oh hey, I’m going to wear a shirt that showcases my ginormous hard nippled tits with no bra covering them, and then bitch about it. Fuck you.

You are not a princess, Anna, you are a cunt. It is, my friends, behavior like this that pisses men off to no end. But we deal with it.

Why?

Because we’re stupid and because we love tits. Even Anna’s. So your double standard life styles are amazing. They come and go with such degrees that are truly baffling. Its amazing. It’s not your fault, like I said.. its just because the majority of you, the majority of the time.. are fucking stupid. Maybe I’m stupid too. Scratch that, I KNOW I’m stupid. Why? I put up with the shit. As do most men. This does not include gay men. (Thus making them far smarter. And fashionable too.)

Its too amazing to think of the double standards of how you life your lives. “Did you just look at that girls ass?” Why yes, I just did, just like you looked at that guy. Or when you get upset because we say: Lucy Liu is fucking hot! That hurts your feelings. Awww. Poor bitches. But its ok for you to fucking scream and go ga-ga over a movie about male strippers staring a chiseled Channing Tatum. Or if he’s not your cup of tea, (insert male actor’s name here)

But its ok, because we know you’re too big of a bitch and those guys can get any chick they want. That includes the pre-crazy Britney Spears.

Another one of my favorites, is women saying they hate liars. That’s pretty much like saying “I hate myself.” Because 98.3% of all women are liars. You lie about everything, even little bullshit things that don’t matter. Like you’ll talk mad shit about some “friend” of yours, and how you can’t stand that bitch. Yet you’ll go to her bridal shower and tell her how beautiful she is.. furthermore, because women over exaggerate every fucking thing in the entire fucking world.. you’ll go so far as to, to her fucking face- say: “OH I just love you SOOOOO MUCH!”

You lying fucking whores. How do you live with yourselves? You lie about it to us and yourselves later. “I love her.. I really do, but I hate her!”

If a guy doesn’t like another guy.. we don’t fucking pretend. We just don’t fucking see that guy. If we see them, there will likely be blood.

Jealousy. You’re jealous creatures all the time. But if a man gets penis envy, like “Oh man that guy’s jeep is cooler than mine..” Well then we’re just being ridiculous. Double standards.

Don’t talk to women, or you’re a cheating bastard!!!! But it’s ok if women talk to other men. Because they can be trusted.

Bullshit. Double standard.. and also bullshit.

The I’m sorry game is my favorite though. A woman will do this shit all the fucking time. She’ll say all kinds of things to royally piss you off.. THEN she follows it up with “I’m sorry.” And suddenly, no harm done, no foul. Life goes on. But oh no, we’re not allowed to be pissed off anymore. Fuck you, mister. If you stay pissed off after an “I’m sorry” Then you’re not only in the wrong, but you’re the biggest fucking dick there is. So fuck you.

But if we piss off a woman and then say I’m sorry? No sir, you better back that shit up with a back rub, flowers, a new Lexus, a FUCKING card. Submitted in writing and then take a fucking number. Why? Women have emotion, that’s why, you dipshit. It takes time to repair the damage you do. Get fucking real.

Double fucking standards. They’re in every fucking thing you women do. There is hope though, there are some of us men out there that are so wonderful and amazing, and we have all the guts in the world to tell you:

TO FUCK OFF.

You can take you bullshit double standards, roll them up real tight and shove them up your fucking vagina which you obviously think is made of solid fucking gold. You must think that, at least, why else would you act like a raging fucking cunt and expect that its completely ok behavior to get away with. You don’t act like its ok when we’re assholes, why the fuck would you think we will act like its ok when you’re a bitch?

The simple truth is, some of us will, some of us won’t. I for one, won’t. I for one, say you can fuck yourselves, because you’re not wanted, If you want to be a bitch, you better make it worth my while somehow, and not be upset when I’m the dick that I am.. Otherwise, you just wont fucking make it long.

Fact, bitch.