rai, this one's for you.
I of course, as you may have already known, or if didn't already know- have probably guessed by now.. am a Jeep owner. That's one hellova pat on the back for me, for it marks me as one of the lucky ones. I am your typical Jeep owner, I swear by them, I love them, I hate them. I use it as a daily commuter, I use it as a toy. I've put more blood, sweat, and tears into a jeep than anyone should ever have to do.. and yet, ever Jeep owner knows exactly what I mean. My current jeep is a TJ, but this is in fact, my third jeep I'm now driving. This means I'm also experienced. I also spent a good 9 years as NOT being a Jeep owner. This gives me the view point from the other side of the fence. You know the saying, the grass is always greener? Well for Jeep owners, the grass is greener, bitches. Now let's discuss why.
During the reign of the 5, the 7 was introduced. The government really pushed this beauty because she was a bit longer wheel base and thus, a bit safer! But still you can see, these sisters were very similar looking, and if you love the 5, you love the 7 too. Look at these designs, we started off in the 40's, we've now covered all the way into the 1980's and these dolls are still so similar looking, its magic.
Finally we've reached modern day and the JK! This girl is just as able as every other jeep before her, and not only that but she's styled pretty much the same, which again, that makes her hot. She can skill rock the offroads, but is even more comfortable on the highway. Now that your eyes are bulging out of your head with a view of nearly 60 years of history with little or no styling changes, lets move on!
The Brotherhood of the Jeep
Cars are funny. You get them, you keep them shiney and pretty and you admire the way the sparkle in the sun. Jeep owners do this as well. Observe rai's prettiness and how proud he was of the prettiness.. so proud he posted it on facebook, sent me a text AND a fucking email. That's loving your vehicle's prettiness.
Now this is one fuckin pretty jeep! Nice job, with the photo op! Look at the flashes on the hood and wheels, mmmm, you're very turned on now. You definitely want one, I can tell. Heres the really cool thing about jeeps. Unlike your pretty SUV, Kia, or Camry, they don't ahve to be sparkley clean to be pretty. Jeeps also look fantasical when they're dirty as fuck. Which of course, I had to remind rai of when he sent me this picture.
You see? Now you understand that not only are they fuckin hot when they're clean, but they're fuckin hot when they're muddy as hell. This makes them the perfect vehicle for anyone. I can see you're turned on now, but the shows not over yet. Hold on tight, we've got some more to cover!
It seems everytime the snow falls form the sky, every jeep in town comes out of the woodwork. All the people sliding around nervously see us roll by and think to themselves, "Whatta fuckin asshole!" Why do they think that? Because we're still driving like its sunny, warm and clear. Because we can. I know this to be fact, because as I said before, for 9 years I too felt jeep envy. Weather also effects parking situations. When at Christmas time I found myself at a mall, I noticed there was something very wrong. First off, there was no parking. Secondly what little parking was left was where all the plows had pushed piles of snow. So I myself, and about 7 other jeeps I saw took advantage of this situation, and we improvised.
The coolest people in the world, ever, of all time. That's a huge honor to have and those who get to have it are a blessed people who wear this badge with pride. Who are these people, you ask? Or perhaps you're thinking, "Hey! I'm cool too!" You know what? You may be right! Then again, you may be wrong too. Oooo, but should we find out? Lets!
The coolest people in the world, ever, of all time, times infinity, plus 4.. are.. Jeep owners. That's right, Jeep owners. You might be thinking, hey! I am cool, but I am not a jeep owner! This may be very true, you may be cool without being a jeep owner.. but it is fundamentally wrong to ever consider yourself one of the elite coolest people of all time ever in the history of the world times infinity plus four without currently owning a jeep. Now, lets be a bit more specific.. I'm not talking about about owning a grand cherokee or a commander or a liberty or patriot. I'm talking about a real jeep. A CJ, YJ, TJ, or JK. Those other jeep brands are definitely cool, but just not as cool. Now lets get down to the facts.
I of course, as you may have already known, or if didn't already know- have probably guessed by now.. am a Jeep owner. That's one hellova pat on the back for me, for it marks me as one of the lucky ones. I am your typical Jeep owner, I swear by them, I love them, I hate them. I use it as a daily commuter, I use it as a toy. I've put more blood, sweat, and tears into a jeep than anyone should ever have to do.. and yet, ever Jeep owner knows exactly what I mean. My current jeep is a TJ, but this is in fact, my third jeep I'm now driving. This means I'm also experienced. I also spent a good 9 years as NOT being a Jeep owner. This gives me the view point from the other side of the fence. You know the saying, the grass is always greener? Well for Jeep owners, the grass is greener, bitches. Now let's discuss why.History
Jeeps were created for one thing and one thing only. Killin Nazis. That pretty much means they are like GIJoe, Transformers, and He-Man all in one sweet as vehicle. Seriously, they were made for WW2, and doing everything a person can do with a vehicle. And if you can do one great thing with any car, its kill a Nazi.
Styling
Jeeps have a very distinct styling. That style can only be described as "Fuckin awesome" or "A Jeep" Let's fuck around with some pictures and take a look at the styling!
The original. Isn't she beautiful? She's army green, shes got army stars, and she can kick your skinny little ass! This is the original go anywhere do anything vehicle. This is the CJ3, and if you look at this picture and you start to feel twitterpated, you know that maybe, just maybe, you should own a jeep.
Ahh look at this darling. She's a CJ5, the next gen after the CJ3. This is what I had for Jeeps #1 and 2 for me. They've got a wicked short wheel base and super fast turning. They climb, the roll, they rule the offroading world! Now, you may be starting to drool. This is a good thing, it means you've some life in you afterall.
During the reign of the 5, the 7 was introduced. The government really pushed this beauty because she was a bit longer wheel base and thus, a bit safer! But still you can see, these sisters were very similar looking, and if you love the 5, you love the 7 too. Look at these designs, we started off in the 40's, we've now covered all the way into the 1980's and these dolls are still so similar looking, its magic.
Welcome to the early 90's and the birth of the YJ! This pretty girl had a style change, and that was to square headlights! You may think, WHAT THE FUCK! But it's still rad and makes her a bit different. Shes still a jeep though, and she's still one gorgeous betty. Seriously, get a napkin, the drooling is a bit out of control. rai has a YJ. She's hot.
The birth of the TJ brought new innovention, a comfier interior and it took us right into the 2000's. This girl also saw the return of the trademark round headlights. Shes a pinup of epic preportions and shes also one loveable go anywhere do anything girl. If you're a guy, you know you love girls who will go anywhere and do anything. Don't deny it.
Finally we've reached modern day and the JK! This girl is just as able as every other jeep before her, and not only that but she's styled pretty much the same, which again, that makes her hot. She can skill rock the offroads, but is even more comfortable on the highway. Now that your eyes are bulging out of your head with a view of nearly 60 years of history with little or no styling changes, lets move on!The Brotherhood of the Jeep
Being a Jeep owner is like belonging to a secret club that no one else is invited to. Countless times driving I find myself being waved to by a total stranger who, like me, is in a jeep. Its a brotherhood. When you park alone in a parkinglot, and another jeep pulls in, they will likely park next to you. Why? Because Jeeps stick together. Also, they probably want to look at your jeep too. From stock to yoked, every jeep owner loves jeeps. When I did some christmas shopping, I found myself parking next to a jeep at best buy. As I was getting out, he walked up to his jeep. We are complete strangers and then we sat there and talked about how rad jeeps are for a good 30 minutes. That doesn't just happen, chuckles. Not with any other kind of car. Think about it this way. You own a Kia. How many people do you know that own Kia's say: "I FUCKING LOVE THIS KIA!!!!" -- thats right, zero. Now, how many people do you *know* have a kia? Do you sit around and talk about your Kia's? Of course not, even if you had a friend who would admit to having a Kia, they'd never sit around and bullshit about it. Now you want the comparison. How many jeep owners do I know? Well.. the answer is.. 6. Beat that, bitch. And yes, we do sit around and discuss the awesomeness of Jeeps. We also go out and dominate the offroad with our Jeeps, and commend each other on our jeeps awesomeness. rai's YJ is 17 yrs old. When he went to buy the tags, someone with a massively yoked YJ parked next to him. When he came out, he admired the fellows jeep, and the fellow ran up and introduced himself. He knew rai was buying his tags, so he saw him as a brand new jeep owner, and wanted to welcome him to the brotherhood. That shit just doesn't happen with any other car culture.
The Dirt Factor
Cars are funny. You get them, you keep them shiney and pretty and you admire the way the sparkle in the sun. Jeep owners do this as well. Observe rai's prettiness and how proud he was of the prettiness.. so proud he posted it on facebook, sent me a text AND a fucking email. That's loving your vehicle's prettiness.
Now this is one fuckin pretty jeep! Nice job, with the photo op! Look at the flashes on the hood and wheels, mmmm, you're very turned on now. You definitely want one, I can tell. Heres the really cool thing about jeeps. Unlike your pretty SUV, Kia, or Camry, they don't ahve to be sparkley clean to be pretty. Jeeps also look fantasical when they're dirty as fuck. Which of course, I had to remind rai of when he sent me this picture.
You see? Now you understand that not only are they fuckin hot when they're clean, but they're fuckin hot when they're muddy as hell. This makes them the perfect vehicle for anyone. I can see you're turned on now, but the shows not over yet. Hold on tight, we've got some more to cover!
Weather
It seems everytime the snow falls form the sky, every jeep in town comes out of the woodwork. All the people sliding around nervously see us roll by and think to themselves, "Whatta fuckin asshole!" Why do they think that? Because we're still driving like its sunny, warm and clear. Because we can. I know this to be fact, because as I said before, for 9 years I too felt jeep envy. Weather also effects parking situations. When at Christmas time I found myself at a mall, I noticed there was something very wrong. First off, there was no parking. Secondly what little parking was left was where all the plows had pushed piles of snow. So I myself, and about 7 other jeeps I saw took advantage of this situation, and we improvised.
Lets see your kia do that. The fact is, there are things one can only do with a jeep, things such as this..is one of them. It just doesn't look right if you try it in a different vehicle, and people look at you and say, man.. that guy really ought to own a jeep. Don't be a poser, don't be *that* guy. Just get the real thing. If you're wondering about whether or not a girl can drive a jeep.. The answer is, um. What? Seriously, if you are female and you want to not only enhance your coolness, but your hot factor, you will go out and buy a jeep NOW! Don't delay, purchase today. Well right now that I'm writing this, its actually sunday, so you'll have to go tomorrow, but you get the meaning. Why wait, is all I'm saying. And think of how wonderful it will be when you wake on a snow packed day and you know that only bitches driving other kinds of cars will be worried about the road conditions. For instance, this following picture was of a day that didn't stop me.
Choices, choices..
So you now know you will go out and buy yourself a jeep and become one of the elite. But there are more choices than just the normal 2 door or 4 door.. and what colour?! Well, first off, lets assume you're smart and you want to buy a Wrangler (YJ/TJ/JK) - You do have colour choice of course, and YES! There ARE even 4 door models! But theres also a longer than normal 2 door, and thats the Unlimited. Theres a Rubicon, so you don't have to do so much to get her badass on the trail.. Theres the X, the Sport, the Safari.
Hard Top? Soft Top? No Top? Bikini Top? Safari Top? No Doors? Soft Doors, Hard Doors? Full Doors, Half Doors? I don't see any other car, truck, or suv with that kind of customizationabilities. So, get creative. I myself like the full doors, and soft top in the winter.. Safari top, full doors, deck cover and cargo straps in the summer. Do your homework you'll know what I mean. And when you join the ranks of the coolest people of all time ever in the history of the world of all time.. the rest of us.. we'll know.
Thank you.
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