The Top 10 Greatest Guitarists.

Once again, the title says it all. Ahh, ten people though.. fortunately for you, the reader, I am a bit long winded and can bullshit my way through anything. This is another situation where I have found myself thinking on this subject for a long time, and therefore I have all the answers already, so before we begin, go get a snack.
Yummy! Are you ready now? Alright, that took a bit longer than I thought you'd take, didn't realize you were gonna run out like that but it's ok, I still love you. Let's go!

You've heard it before, me bragging about how wise in my many years I am. How my stint as a DJ has honed my musical taste and abilities to judge. How as a red blooded American I have the right to impose my will and opinion on you no matter if you like it or not.. Do I need to repeat myself? Well apparently I do, and here's why: You're still saying to yourself, who is this guy, and why in the world would I ever listen to him. That's an excellent question. I also like Sprite. Obey your Thirst. Thats wisdom.

Number 10

Brian May: Queen

This may come as a shock to you to read. Most of you will likely read it over and go, wait, who? This guy is a badass. Make no mistake, this ass kicking band from the 70's and 80's had some seriously potent guitar work from this maestro. Know what else makes him a badass? He plays a shitload of instruments! Guitar, Bass, Banjo, Piano (and subsiquently, Keyboards), he can also play the harp. Don't call him gay because of the harp thing, you know deep down in your soul that's just cool, and if you're a girl, you're thinking about the serenading possibilities of such an instrument and you're swooning now. It's ok, you can keep swooning. This fool can also sing, and did so many times in many songs. Want to know something else? He's smarter than you. And me. This wizard of the six strings is also an astrophysicist. And the final cool note for him is this: He was made Commander of the Order of the British Empire in 2005 for "services to the music industry". That's just cool. Check out this wicked ass video of him jamming. It's long, you'll love it. Promise.

Number 9

Carlos Santana

Now, it doesn't matter what genre of music you're into. Everyone knows this guy. It could be that its because he has done a duet/song with about every recording artist in the history of music. Seriously, this guy is the Kevin Bacon of the music world. That does not take away from his ability to jam like a sonovabitch though. This guy plays a style of music which can only be described, in my opinion, as SANTANA. It's Jazz, it's blues, it's latin, it's salsa.. It's Santana. This guy can work the strings slow and melodic, putting you into a relaxed trance like state, and then he jerks you back awake when his guitar wails uncontrollably like a banshee in heat. He can also sing, and hell, he speaks spanish. He's also been sporting the porn star mustache for his entire life. After listening, you're wondering, is he a rock star? Hell ya. What else makes him a rock star? When he was in Highschool he asked to play at the prom. They told him no, he was too hard rock for them. When he was asked to play at his Highschool reuinion, he told them no, he was too hard rock for them. That's not a grudge, that's a badass move. Kudos to you, Mr. Santana, you're a badass. Still don't believe? Let me show you then:

Number 8

Stevie Ray Vaughan

I won't lie. I'm not the biggest fan of this guy, but that does not mean he can't jam. He was more of a blues artist, but if you turn your radio to the classic rock station, you'll hear his wailing. Not just the wailing of his guitar either, that's right boys and girls, this fool could sing too! You know, some of the most impressive guitarists in the history of the world never used their voices. But to be a badass on the guitar and lend your voice to the crowd, that makes you something much more magical. What else can make you a king like good 'ol SRV? Being able to play that shit behind your back. Check this out, you won't be disappointed.

Number 7

Jerry Cantrell: Alice in Chains

Once again, I prove to you all how unbias my opinion really is. How? Easily on this list, this guy is my favorite guitarist, and yet I have not ranked him at number 1. That says something to the effect of my honesty. Moving on.. This guy is a miricle worker, and easily the best guitarist to come out of the grunge era of music, and still jams the way he always did, unlike whats left of the Seattle Grunge bands. What makes his solo's so great are not their technicality, or their length, but their emotion. Oh yes, I said it.. guitars with emotions. When he plays, you can hear his soul bared for you on the strings, some solo's are slow, some are fast, some are blues-y, some are just heavy metal.. but all of them displays the emotions he felt while writing the music, and that makes him a God of Rock. I've picked a short solo for you to see exactly what I mean when I talk about his emotion. Is this his best solo? You decide. Others are far more technical than this one.. but you'll know exactly what I mean when you watch this.

Number 6

Herman Li: Dragonforce

Alright guitar hero fans, I had to do it. This guy is an animal, but he's not a crazy ass big headed guitar hero himself. Furthermore, he creates noises on his guitar, and then puts them all together to make what turns into an INSANE guitar solo. The greatest thing about Dragonforce is just about every song is a showcase of his talent. Now, heres the bad news. I couldn't find a great video with great sound of him just jamming on stage, so I've selected just a music video, but it showcases his badassness. You'll like it, and if you don't you're probably a vegitable.

Let me be the first to welcome you to the top five. Already we have covered some excellent guitarists, and after seeing the videos I've put up for you musical enjoyment, you're surely thinking to yourself, "How can these guys be topped?" Or maybe you already know... If you know, please keep it to yourself and keep down in front, we don't want to ruin the experience for everyone else now do we?

Number 5

Joe Satriani

Alright, now heres a guy who once again, magically displays emotion in his string work. This guy is so good though, he's also known for his ability to teach other guitarists how to become Gods as well. Remember when you were in school and you thought all your teachers sucked ass? You obviously never had this badass as a teacher, but who has? Steve Vai, Tom Morello, Larry LaLonde, Kirk Hammett, Charlie Hunter, Kevin Cadogan, to name a few. If you don't know who they are, I've linked them all to the never wrong wikipedia for your educational enjoyment. So, to sum it up, his playing is amazing, his playing is emotional, and goddamnit, he's taught other guitarists how to be great. He's pretty much like Mr. Wizard.

Number 4

Slash: Guns n Roses/Velvet Revolver

With a name like Slash, I wouldn't think I'd have to explain who this guy is, or why he is so great.. but, I will anyways, because if I didn't have to, there'd be no reason for me to be sitting her compiling all these words for you and lets face it.. I'm doing it to kill off an afternoon. Slash. This guy is really a rockstar. Look at him, he's got the hair, the top hat, the cigarette hanging from his mouth and the general look of "fuck society" - That is a rock star. Beyond that, he's a brilliant guitarist who works the strings with precision and glory. This guy eats and breathes talent. Take a minute and look up the VMA's from like, 91.. November Rain featuring Elton John. It's a long as video to go through to get to the Slash solo work, so I'll let you surf it yourself, but its worth watching. But, I will provide proof as to his brilliance, and maybe even if your lucky there won't be any Axel Rose trying to steal the show. Maybe.

Number 3

Jimmy Paige: Led Zeppelin

How could I not go there? If you read the blog about the top 5 greatest rock songs of all time, you know that this guy writes music not with his head, but with his soul. He's also one of the most important people to ever hit the music scene of all time. His fingers are fast, but he's not just an insanely fast guitarist, he's writes it slow, he writes it screaming. He's just that good. His playing is so crisp and sweet it makes you want to stand up and slap your mama. Here's something that set him as a pioneer as well: The thought and imagination it takes to try new things. This guy actually started using a cello bow to play the guitar, which gave it a crazy ass sound, and no one had tried it before. Easily a canidate for the number one slot of all time, but today he comes in 3rd. Right now, say a prayer of thanks to Jimmy Paige, he'll hear it. He practices black magic.

Number 2

Jimi Hendrix

This was a tough decision, I mean, c'mon... Is he really number two or number one? Today he falls into the number two slot, so if you know much about guitarists, then the number one slot will be easy to guess, but we're not there so let's pay homage to this maestro of psychedelic. He was so fantastical that he HEADLINED Woodstock. Now that says something about your badassness. He ripped out the National Anthem and that's become immortalized. I mean really, who wants to hear a marching band perform it after hearing Hendrix? He played guitar solos with his TEETH. He played left handed and there were no such things as left handed guitars. And he sang, granted he wasn't the best singer ever, but seriously, this guy was the human embodiment of talent. He didn't create just music, he created a living art, and though he's been gone for longer than I've been alive, his art is still heard and recognized all over the world to this very day.

Number 1

Eddie Van Halen

We've reached the number one, and it may come as a surprise to you all to see who it is. As I've said before, most people consider Hendrix number one, but I decided to go a different route, and now I'll explain why. This guy was so fast, he's often known as "Six Fingered Eddie" - a name like that just tells you what you're all about. And now you're saying, whats that? It tells you that either you're the badest guitarist of all time, or Inigo Montoya is gonna come kill yo ass. This guy was also a visionary, using his imagination to create a new sound no one had ever heard of, playing on the neck of his guitar.. His creativity bolster by his skill has elevated him to the number one slot in guitarists of all time. All hail the king, and now, to give you the description of the following video:

WARNING: This video may cause serious injury or death, side effects may include melting of face due to awesomeness, hair falling out, and eyes and ears to explode! Only few people were able to survive this level of awesome like ediie him self, jimmy page, CHUCK NORRIS, Jimi hendrix, reggie blackmoore. .Even superman suffered a comah and The hulk died!ERUPTION!

Thank you to the poster of this video for that accurate portrayal of what you're about to see and witness. Please view it with caution.

Thank you.