As you can see, the title says everything. Of all time. That's an amazing feat. Most bands can't even claim they had the best song for a week. In order to give you this list, I took many steps in preparing it. First off, I thought it up. Secondly, I thought some more on it. Then, I debated with a few of my personalities, of which I'm proud to say, I won. Those bastards never had a chance in beating me anyways though we thought we sure did didn't we? Oh yes. Back to business.
What makes a great rock song? First off, there is no rapping in it. That is the most key important element to a fantastical rock song: No rap. I'm sorry Eminem. Through this educational tutorial, I will teach you what else you want to look for, so lets get started.
Now, you may be thinking, who is this fellow, and why does he think he has the right to tell me what the best rock songs of all time are? So lets get this out of the way.
As a child, and even young adult, I made many, many mix tapes. Now you're telling yourself, "Hey so did I!" But let me tell you this: My mix tapes didn't suck. Don't say that, no, you know they did.. agree.. Agree now.. Thank you. Now that we agree that your mix tapes sucked and mine were totally excellent, much like a ham and cheese sandwich, we can move on. As an older, but still young adult, I started to burn CD's. I've been burning CD's since about 1999. Yes I still do it. No, I don't know why. I also have a neat gadget which, I'm sure someday will catch on and become mainstream. This gadget is called an "ipod" - Don't ask me to explain to you what it is, its too hard to do. But someday, you'll hear about them, and you'll lift your eyes to the heaven's, your arms will reach upward with glory, tears will stream down your cheeks and you will scream; "YES! Thank you cr1ck3e! You told me one day I would understand, I DO UNDERSTAND NOW! You are a prophet!" And I, having never heard you, will continue to watch some mindless show on television. Next, we have my stint as a radio disc jockey. Oh yes, I do have real credentials, how do you like that? As part of the greatest on air show of all time, "The Great White Shaft and Crickey Show" -- I found myself immersed in the world of music. So much furtherly deeply immersed.ed.ly.. than the average person will ever become, this is where I honed my skill from amature to professional status. Since being fired for encouraging people to open their car doors and hit the drunk people walking, I have created a music library that will rival anyone's on this earth. It is small but mighty. 15 gigs is all, but 15 mighty ass gigs, nonetheless. Finally, I am a redblooded American, and that gives me the God given right to impose my will and opinion on you no matter what you say or do, or if your like it or not. Translation: I'm right.. If you disagree, someone will show up at your house and shove a pineapple up your ass. Seriously. No, its not going to be me. That's just gross.
Now, lets talk turkey.
Number 5.
To be in the top 5 is an honor. Its like all those fake lying celebs always say, "It's and Honor to be considered!" Well, this is different. First off, its no bullshit, and secondly, you're in the top fuckin five. So, I say to you, the number 5 best rock song of all time: Motley Crue's Dr. Feelgood.
That's right, this song just straight kicks ass. Now, I love this band too, but this is by far not my most favorite song by them, therefore illustrating to you, the reader, that I am not bias. Rock music talks abouts many things over the years. War, sex, drugs, rock'n'roll, women, violence, being a badass, love (awww), social angst, hate for the government, etc. You get the idea. This song definitely idolizes what rock is about. This is one of those songs when it comes on the radio, if you don't crank the volume to ear shattering decibels, you're not only an idiot, but you also suck. Dr. Feelgood should be listened to so loudly that your ears are bleeding to Vince's singing. And, if you don't feel good after hearing Dr. Feelgood, you might want to get checked. You prolly have something, and lets hope its not contagious.
Number 4.
Now that we've discussed the Drugs portion of the rocknroll, we now explore a more packaged deal. This one talks a bit about drugs, but it also talks about violence, and, well, everything else that's wonderful in the world. Rock just loves you like that. This song comes from the Guns n Roses collection, and it is: Welcome to the Jungle.
That's right, no matter how big of a douche bag Axel Rose really is, you cannot deny the ultimate badassness of this song. There's screaming, there's violence, and int he music video, Axel has big hair. There's moaning, (thats sex), Money, and shanananananananananananeeeez. This song is total domination from start to finish, and Slash is an miracle worker when it comes to the guitar. So, thank you Axel, for this song, thank you Slash. We'll not talk about Chinese Democracy or any Velvet Revolver. Today, you are a star again boys, live it up.
Number 3.
Here we are. The hump song of the list. This song delves deeper into the violence, but it will also teach you a history lesson, and if you pay attention, you'll cry. Your heart will die listening to the lyrics, but the pumping of the drums and that badass guitar solo will shock your heart so damn hard it will start beating again and then you can raise your fist in the air, proudly salute with the devil horns, and give it up for Iron Maiden and their song: Run to the Hills
From the first kicks on the drum by Nicko McBrain, to Dave Murray's screaming guitar solo, and Bruce Dickinson's just straight screaming, this song is a kick to your teeth that makes you stand up, bleeding from the face, and say thank you! This song when it comes on the radio, if you don't crank it, and you don't scream every word along with it, check your pulse, because you're probably dead.
Number 2.
We're getting close, but we're not quite there yet, so don't abandon me. I'd be nothing without you. I'm sorry. I love you, please stay.
Wait.
Number two is a song that when you hear it, and when you really listen to it, you die on the inside because of how sad and fucked up it really is. Now, lets talk about the amazing thing about this song: It came from an album that was blasted with success. Every song on the album was fucking awesome, and it launched a band, a city, and a culture. So, our number 2 all time greatest rock song comes from Seattle's own: Pearl Jam. The song: Alive.
I'll tell you what makes you die on the inside with this song, its the fact that this album was just SO GOOD and every thing Pearl Jam ever did after it sucked such heinous ball sacks its not even funny. It's an anomaly, an enigma, and its incredible. Eddie Vedder's crooning is glorious, Stone Gossard's guitar work is brilliant, and Mike McCreedey's solo is one of the most epic guitar solo's of all time. The Drum work is good too, but lets face it, Pearl Jam has changed drummers more times than I've changed my underwear. And that's a lot. Seattle and the grunge scene launched on the legs of a few bands, and this was one of them. Pearl Jam is still alive, but they've never been as great as they were the moment they laid down this track.
Number 1.
Here we are at the finish line and we've covered a lot of great music. 4 songs, actually which isn't that much, and there's so many band I'd like to thank for making this list possible. Well, 5 really. Perhaps we'll explore the next 5, to round out the top 10. That's for another day. Now, lest we forget to mention them, it is time for our number one greatest rock song of all time. I will say this though, that it took me the better part of 3 weeks to decide. I'm glad I've picked who I did. They aren't my favorite band. This is not my favorite song of theirs, but it stands alone atop of the mountain, it is peerless in its brilliance and glory. The song is will take you away from the world, it is Stairway to Heaven, and it is by none other than Led Zeppelin.
The song starts over very slowly, makes you think of a pretty spring day or some such nonsense. Little do you know the badassness that will follow. But this sets it up as the greatest song, and I will tell you why. Robert Plant croons to the slow melody. He says words that rhyme and really mean freaking nothing, no matter what you say. Ask anyone in the band, they'll say: "We have no clue, we were high."
That doesn't matter.
This was the number 1 requested song of the 1970's on FM Radio. (As per the never wrong Wikipedia) (thats right, I wiki shit too, I wanted to give you a really awesome factoid that'd blow your mind) (you're welcome)
After some time into the song, you'll hear Jimmy Page rip one of, if not the greatest guitar solo of all time. This solo was so good that you aren't even allowed to imitate it in stores on a guitar. Its true, I saw it in Wayne's World. Then after the solo, its more upbeat, its faster, and Plant lets it go and screams his skinny ass off. Goddamn this is such a great song. So lets check it over again. Screaming, guitar wailing, crooning, slow playing, beautiful band synchronization. Finally, the biggest cue to it all is this: There's a section if you play it backwards the song talks about Satan. We all know the lord of the underworld has his hands in rock musics ability to corrupt the youth of the world. Seriously, play it backwards, in fact, you don't even have to bust out your dad's old record player to do it, Albino Blacksheep has done the work for you:
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/stairway
The band denied it but whatever. So, apparently, Jimmy Page's fingers wrote the song, not his brain, and the words leapt to Plant to write the lyrics to it, its was musical genius, it is talent in its purest form, and it is the
BEST ROCK SONG OF ALL TIME.
Thank you.
What makes a great rock song? First off, there is no rapping in it. That is the most key important element to a fantastical rock song: No rap. I'm sorry Eminem. Through this educational tutorial, I will teach you what else you want to look for, so lets get started.
Now, you may be thinking, who is this fellow, and why does he think he has the right to tell me what the best rock songs of all time are? So lets get this out of the way.
As a child, and even young adult, I made many, many mix tapes. Now you're telling yourself, "Hey so did I!" But let me tell you this: My mix tapes didn't suck. Don't say that, no, you know they did.. agree.. Agree now.. Thank you. Now that we agree that your mix tapes sucked and mine were totally excellent, much like a ham and cheese sandwich, we can move on. As an older, but still young adult, I started to burn CD's. I've been burning CD's since about 1999. Yes I still do it. No, I don't know why. I also have a neat gadget which, I'm sure someday will catch on and become mainstream. This gadget is called an "ipod" - Don't ask me to explain to you what it is, its too hard to do. But someday, you'll hear about them, and you'll lift your eyes to the heaven's, your arms will reach upward with glory, tears will stream down your cheeks and you will scream; "YES! Thank you cr1ck3e! You told me one day I would understand, I DO UNDERSTAND NOW! You are a prophet!" And I, having never heard you, will continue to watch some mindless show on television. Next, we have my stint as a radio disc jockey. Oh yes, I do have real credentials, how do you like that? As part of the greatest on air show of all time, "The Great White Shaft and Crickey Show" -- I found myself immersed in the world of music. So much furtherly deeply immersed.ed.ly.. than the average person will ever become, this is where I honed my skill from amature to professional status. Since being fired for encouraging people to open their car doors and hit the drunk people walking, I have created a music library that will rival anyone's on this earth. It is small but mighty. 15 gigs is all, but 15 mighty ass gigs, nonetheless. Finally, I am a redblooded American, and that gives me the God given right to impose my will and opinion on you no matter what you say or do, or if your like it or not. Translation: I'm right.. If you disagree, someone will show up at your house and shove a pineapple up your ass. Seriously. No, its not going to be me. That's just gross.
Now, lets talk turkey.
Number 5.
To be in the top 5 is an honor. Its like all those fake lying celebs always say, "It's and Honor to be considered!" Well, this is different. First off, its no bullshit, and secondly, you're in the top fuckin five. So, I say to you, the number 5 best rock song of all time: Motley Crue's Dr. Feelgood.
That's right, this song just straight kicks ass. Now, I love this band too, but this is by far not my most favorite song by them, therefore illustrating to you, the reader, that I am not bias. Rock music talks abouts many things over the years. War, sex, drugs, rock'n'roll, women, violence, being a badass, love (awww), social angst, hate for the government, etc. You get the idea. This song definitely idolizes what rock is about. This is one of those songs when it comes on the radio, if you don't crank the volume to ear shattering decibels, you're not only an idiot, but you also suck. Dr. Feelgood should be listened to so loudly that your ears are bleeding to Vince's singing. And, if you don't feel good after hearing Dr. Feelgood, you might want to get checked. You prolly have something, and lets hope its not contagious.
Number 4.
Now that we've discussed the Drugs portion of the rocknroll, we now explore a more packaged deal. This one talks a bit about drugs, but it also talks about violence, and, well, everything else that's wonderful in the world. Rock just loves you like that. This song comes from the Guns n Roses collection, and it is: Welcome to the Jungle.
That's right, no matter how big of a douche bag Axel Rose really is, you cannot deny the ultimate badassness of this song. There's screaming, there's violence, and int he music video, Axel has big hair. There's moaning, (thats sex), Money, and shanananananananananananeeeez. This song is total domination from start to finish, and Slash is an miracle worker when it comes to the guitar. So, thank you Axel, for this song, thank you Slash. We'll not talk about Chinese Democracy or any Velvet Revolver. Today, you are a star again boys, live it up.
Number 3.
Here we are. The hump song of the list. This song delves deeper into the violence, but it will also teach you a history lesson, and if you pay attention, you'll cry. Your heart will die listening to the lyrics, but the pumping of the drums and that badass guitar solo will shock your heart so damn hard it will start beating again and then you can raise your fist in the air, proudly salute with the devil horns, and give it up for Iron Maiden and their song: Run to the Hills
From the first kicks on the drum by Nicko McBrain, to Dave Murray's screaming guitar solo, and Bruce Dickinson's just straight screaming, this song is a kick to your teeth that makes you stand up, bleeding from the face, and say thank you! This song when it comes on the radio, if you don't crank it, and you don't scream every word along with it, check your pulse, because you're probably dead.
Number 2.
We're getting close, but we're not quite there yet, so don't abandon me. I'd be nothing without you. I'm sorry. I love you, please stay.
Wait.
Number two is a song that when you hear it, and when you really listen to it, you die on the inside because of how sad and fucked up it really is. Now, lets talk about the amazing thing about this song: It came from an album that was blasted with success. Every song on the album was fucking awesome, and it launched a band, a city, and a culture. So, our number 2 all time greatest rock song comes from Seattle's own: Pearl Jam. The song: Alive.
I'll tell you what makes you die on the inside with this song, its the fact that this album was just SO GOOD and every thing Pearl Jam ever did after it sucked such heinous ball sacks its not even funny. It's an anomaly, an enigma, and its incredible. Eddie Vedder's crooning is glorious, Stone Gossard's guitar work is brilliant, and Mike McCreedey's solo is one of the most epic guitar solo's of all time. The Drum work is good too, but lets face it, Pearl Jam has changed drummers more times than I've changed my underwear. And that's a lot. Seattle and the grunge scene launched on the legs of a few bands, and this was one of them. Pearl Jam is still alive, but they've never been as great as they were the moment they laid down this track.
Number 1.
Here we are at the finish line and we've covered a lot of great music. 4 songs, actually which isn't that much, and there's so many band I'd like to thank for making this list possible. Well, 5 really. Perhaps we'll explore the next 5, to round out the top 10. That's for another day. Now, lest we forget to mention them, it is time for our number one greatest rock song of all time. I will say this though, that it took me the better part of 3 weeks to decide. I'm glad I've picked who I did. They aren't my favorite band. This is not my favorite song of theirs, but it stands alone atop of the mountain, it is peerless in its brilliance and glory. The song is will take you away from the world, it is Stairway to Heaven, and it is by none other than Led Zeppelin.
The song starts over very slowly, makes you think of a pretty spring day or some such nonsense. Little do you know the badassness that will follow. But this sets it up as the greatest song, and I will tell you why. Robert Plant croons to the slow melody. He says words that rhyme and really mean freaking nothing, no matter what you say. Ask anyone in the band, they'll say: "We have no clue, we were high."
That doesn't matter.
This was the number 1 requested song of the 1970's on FM Radio. (As per the never wrong Wikipedia) (thats right, I wiki shit too, I wanted to give you a really awesome factoid that'd blow your mind) (you're welcome)
After some time into the song, you'll hear Jimmy Page rip one of, if not the greatest guitar solo of all time. This solo was so good that you aren't even allowed to imitate it in stores on a guitar. Its true, I saw it in Wayne's World. Then after the solo, its more upbeat, its faster, and Plant lets it go and screams his skinny ass off. Goddamn this is such a great song. So lets check it over again. Screaming, guitar wailing, crooning, slow playing, beautiful band synchronization. Finally, the biggest cue to it all is this: There's a section if you play it backwards the song talks about Satan. We all know the lord of the underworld has his hands in rock musics ability to corrupt the youth of the world. Seriously, play it backwards, in fact, you don't even have to bust out your dad's old record player to do it, Albino Blacksheep has done the work for you:
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/stairway
The band denied it but whatever. So, apparently, Jimmy Page's fingers wrote the song, not his brain, and the words leapt to Plant to write the lyrics to it, its was musical genius, it is talent in its purest form, and it is the
BEST ROCK SONG OF ALL TIME.
Thank you.
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