Critique: Dune Pt. 2

You know what's funny is that even though the covid hysteria has been gone for a while - Hollywood still seems reluctant to churn out movies the way it used to. I've noticed there hasn't been dick to go see at a fuckin theater for a while. Maybe those rich fuckwads are all concerned because they think the superhero movies aren't as much of a drawl as they to be. Or maybe it's just because all us normal people who have to pay out the ass to go to the movies  are tired of seeing the same old rehashed bullshit in a cape? Nah, that can't be it.

Onward.

If you have not heard of Dune then you probably lived under a rock and if you get offended by that truth then the rock probably hit you on the head when it crushed your house. For Fuckssake this book was written in the late 1960s. It was so popular that it spawned a series of books. The bad news is, other than the first one (Dune), the rest of the books were hot garbage and you can throw that shit clear away and only focus on the first one which was about 10,000 pages long.  Seriously that author was proof that lightning can strike only once and that someone with a good idea should not try ti branch out sometimes.  It would be like if the guy who invented steak also invented blenders ans then decided we should blend the steak into a smoothie.

Anyway, that book is really fucking long so maybe you want to watch the movie(s).

Way back in 1984 David Lynch made what has been the definitive edition to this story. Starting Kyle McLaughlin and STING. I like Sting, his name is a noun and a verb. Beat that, bitch!

There was one in 2000 that was awful and starred nobody you've ever heard of. So don't bother.

Which brings us to today. Denis Villenueve has now taken this 10,000 page monstrosity and if the rock you live under allowed for cable you saw that shit show up on HBO back when you weren't allowed to leave the house that got dropped on you. If you haven't seen it yet.. fuckin seriously how many times do you have to hear you should watch this shit before you finish reading what I wrote?  To be honest with you, Bob, I can only drop so many obvious hints that you should have already watched some of this by now. If you haven't done it then you're probably just a fuckin asshole who's trying to piss me off before you say, "what? What did I do?"

Goddamn it man.

Anyways, part 2 is in the theater. Let's dive in.

Like the 1984 version, this movie starred a person with a one word name. It's Zendaya which isn't as cool as a name like Sting but she has better tits. And she won't be watching me.
Main character is Timothy Chalemet who is young and has curly hair and the women probably love him. He's also the guy from SNL that when YEET SKRRT. which is probably his finest moment.
The first movie spent much of the time trying be the 1984 version with better graphics. They also pronounced words different. Probably for the sake of being different.

This new one however. They did some badass shit.   The graphics were cumtastic and they did something the 1984 version didn't- They had more character development. I know, I threw up in my mouth by typing it. But when you have a 100,000 page book broken into 12 hours of cinema you actually have to expect it to have some fucking development. It's not too much to ask, think of, or expect. 

You know the best part of having to sell a kidney to go to the theater now is ther they have reclining seats for these long ass epic movies such as Dune. It makes perfect sense because I think about the fact that I sat through all of the lord of the rings in an old school movie seat and it reminds me that it was more fun to piss blood than it was to sit in those chairs. The bad news is I'm running out if body parts I can sell to afford the movie going habits that I have.

This one is worth losing something important for to see. Not like a testicle or anything but something that doesn't matter as much. Like your fuckin liver or something.  You should go see it. The acting is good, the characters are good. The special effects are fucking awesome.
The story is fucking amazing. Now remember, if they try to make the rest of the story into movies its going to be as rough as raw doggin a tiajuana whore who still has needles in her arm. But this one is good. Like an expensive hooker kind of good. It's really long so you don't have to worry about anyone like your wife bitching at you for not raking the yard like you promised to do back in October. You lazy piece of shit. Do your fucking chores.

5 out of 5 skulls.